On the verge of crashing, not knowing what to do, where to go, who to turn to. My heart palpitated heavily while I drove to work on a Wednesday morning, the dreaded Wednesdays. I knew deep down inside that this was not what life was meant to be. I was slowly dying inside. I was quickly reaching the point of no return outside. But let’s take it from the beginning…
When I look back at where it all started, I am not surprised that I am where I am today, on some level. Early on in my life, there was something inside me that rebelled against so many things that were meant to be accepted by society. Things like spending the first 25 years of my life learning skills that I would, for the better part, only use 10% of my life, work in a job to bring in money and allow me to indulge in all my so-called “needs”, get the house, the car, the country house, whatever. So armed with all my defiance and disobedience, I quit school before university and started working at odd jobs. I guess I did not care much, being more interested in enjoying life !
At age 24, I got my first break. The father of my “then girlfriend” got me a job for a small airline in Montréal as a Customer Sales & Service Agent. Essentially, I was answering customer calls to make flight reservations for them. The pay was (or would eventually get) good and I had the fabulous privilege of travelling at super-low cost. That was the real kicker ! A few years down, that small airline got swallowed by the national carrier so we were now playing in the big leagues.
“...having about 15 people to manage and 1,000 objectives to achieve”
I guess that despite the fact that I wanted nothing to do with the corporate establishment, I started taking different positions within the same company and worked my way up to the head of the planning department, having about 15 people to manage and 1,000 objectives to achieve. So far, so good. (Actually, so far, this story is boring but stick with me, it does get better).
Believe it or not, the ride lasted 28 years. Same employer, many different roles. My life was set. Good salary, great benefits and the possibility to travel around the world for peanuts.
One morning, I got called for a meeting with the Vice-President of my division. Unusual… Upon opening the door of the conference room, there it was !!! She was sitting on one side of the table while a representative from Human Resources was sitting across from her. Right away, I knew there was something going very wrong. I took the seat in the middle and everything in my mind turned to slow motion and blurry. Within 30 seconds, she had announced to me that my job had become redundant and that my services were no longer required. Then she flew out the door and the HR guy started explaining to me what my “compensation package” was going to be if, within 48 hours, I signed and agreed to the agreement. 28 years of service, over within 15 minutes. I felt like I had been pushed over a ledge, on a free-fall towards a bed of huge boulders. I then got escorted out of the building like a criminal. Not allowed to go back to my office, not allowed to say my goodbyes to my colleagues. Out !!!
Went home, took a triple shot of Bourbon and started walking in circles in my apartment. WTF !?
“But this fairytale had to end eventually, and so it did.”
Before this dreadful day, I thought I was set. I was in my early 50’, riding towards retirement and pension. No additional efforts required other than maintaining cruising speed.
Now, facing the new reality of being without a job, I needed to take a break and think, so I did. Travelled to Costa Rica twice, enjoyed endless weekends, partying and enjoying life. All this thanks to my compensation package, which was keeping me from freaking-out about my financial situation.
So one morning while in Costa Rica, I received an eMail from an employer looking for someone with my skill set. Same pay and a great mandate to reform the planning department. Bingo ! I was back on track. The first year went fabulously. I had a pearl of a boss who knew how to motivate his team and respected life-work balance. All was well. But this fairytale had to end eventually, and so it did. The boss went on retirement and a new guy made his debut as my boss.
And then it began. Pressure, impossible to achieve objectives, disrespect, arrogance, bullying, ignorance and a total lack of knowledge of the industry he had landed in.
From the beginning of that new chapter, my mental, emotional and physical health started deteriorating. Weight gain, high blood pressure, sleepless nights, anxiety, you name it. And during all this time, I thought “ I can’t quit this job now. I’m in my mid 50’… not going to find another job that pays well at that age…my financial situation cannot sustain me through an early retirement”… and on and on. The wheels were turning inside my brain.
To give you a small example of what this new “boss” enjoyed doing, he took the opportunity, at our weekly Wednesday staff meeting, to humiliate, harass and bully a few of his team members, me included. He did not like that I was not the yes-men that he wanted me to be. Every Wednesday, a part of me was dying. But I kept coming back, kept facing this idiot of a man while trying to absorb the punches without crumbling… wishful thinking.
“His expression immediately changed…”
And then, after my life-partner strongly recommended that I visit my doctor for a check-up, I made my way to my family doctor. He had followed me for about 45 years so he knew me very well. His first task, after the usual chit-chat, was a blood pressure test. His expression immediately changed and he moved on to my other arm to take a second reading… 180 over 100…that was enough.
And at that very moment, my life direction took a turn. A simple event like a visit to the doctor started a chain reaction that would eventually have a drastic impact on my way of life. Game over !!!
